Something Swift this way comes…

JAMARATHON 2004, Jamar Nicholas’ blog/commission site is doing something interesting that hits close to home. I read about it on PVP, Scott Kurtz’s site, who is also a talented artist himself. Nicholas is doing a commission a day per request and selling them for the month, and most of the proceeds are going to the American Diabetes Association. With Mrs. Swift’s diabetes, I feel driven to help this guy out, and since I don’t have any money, I figure that spreading the word is a good way to do it. So if you have diabetes, or if you know someone with diabetes, or if you’ve ever lost someone because they had an incurable illness, please take a moment to spread the word about the Jamarathon and maybe commission a piece from the gentleman. It’s for a good cause that actually might help someone you know, or someone that I love.

Jamie

Okay,

It’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve been hiding away from everyone mostly, as there’s some massive shit going on right now that I just didn’t want to have to deal with. That’s right, I was hiding from the truth, because I didn’t want to think about it. So sue me. Sometimes my floodgates break open a little too easily these days. I don’t know if that’s the price of getting older, or if I’m just more screwed up than initial tests showed. So here’s for the massive update that nobody particularly cares about.

1. We found out that Mrs. Swift is diabetic. Something that we’ve suspected for a little while, but it still comes as somewhat of a blow. And folks, let me tell you, if you’re not taking care of yourself and you’re at risk for diabetes – start taking care of yourself! Shit like this is not to be played around with. So we’re currently restructuring the way we eat, the way we shop for food, everything about our lives took a little shift to the left there. It can be hard, but I’m trying to commit to helping her do this, because I don’t want her to have to deal with blindness or any one of the numerous other fun side affects of diabetes running rampant through your system; Or, god forbid, death. Now there’s a happy thought. So yeah, I’ve been hiding that from you guys when I really shouldn’t have, but I just needed to take some time and wrap my mind around it.
2. I still haven’t gotten off my ass and found a job yet. This is two parts laziness and two parts the fact that I’m going to be doing something else soon that’s going to be taking up a majority of my time. So, until I get that underway, I’ll remain jobless. It won’t be long (god I hope), because the bills are starting to pile up again and it’s starting to stress us out. That’s never good. So job hunting begins soon.
3. I go to register for school on the 28th. That’s the big thing that’s happening that’s slowing the jobhunting right now. I’m going to be going back to school full time for the first time in nearly a decade. This is not a happy prospect, though the end result is a desireable one. Those of you who are older and have tried, or are trying to go back to school know exactly what I’m talking about. Being around a bunch of kids who don’t know anything about life, and know everything about everything is not a prospect I enjoy, I’m telling you true. Not much other than the fact that I am looking forward to learning, but learning in a structured environment is something that I haven’t done for a long time. It’s going to take some getting used to.

With all of these things that are about to get started, I’m going to lose a great deal of online time and that means that I’ll not be speaking to many of the friends that I’ve made online. Those of you that know me that I’m somewhat of a hermit. I don’t like people in general, they make me exceedingly uncomfortable. I don’t like to be in places where large crowds of people are gathered. This is mainly because someone of my size sticks out like a purple ass on a white wedding gown. Enchanting image, isn’t it? Anyways, the ones ofyou that really know me know that I love my friends, even though I hate people in general. My friends are the only ones that keep me sane. They keep my conciousness tethered to this earth so that I don’t just float away and start doing crazy shit. To tel you guys the truth, I’m scared shitless of losing my friends if my life gets too hectic to be able to come online and talk to them. This isn’t a baseless fear, I’ve lost friends before, grown apart from them because I’m horrible with communcating anyways, but when shit starts happening I can feel the bonds of friendship loosening, the ties unbinding and slipping away. It saddens me some and scares me a lot. If I can stop it from happening I will. God grant me the strength to hold the tethers of these friendships together.

Sometimes being scared is harder than doing the chores you have to do. I’m going ahead with my life, working towards a better future, but it scares me to think that I may lose the people that matter most to me along that path. Sometimes I wonder at life’s choices and realize that sometimes there is no good decision, only hard ones. These are the letters to my friends that I could never bear to write, because in the writing of them, I bare my soul to them and the world. To my friends, you know who you are, I love you and cherish you more than you could ever know. You hold the key to my heart and have seen the shadows in my soul, yet you accept me for who and what I am. There are no better people in the world than you. I love you now and always more than you could ever know.

More later,

S

Yours
Words and Music by John Popper

You, with your hand outstretched
Finger on the key
This lock that you release
Is opening but isn’t free
And I hope that you can see
How it beats inside of me
Instead of pushing fear aside
I want to run I want to hide
I am vulnerably yours

She, who is wanting me
Whose touch can make me cry
I can only understand
By never asking her why
Hear the contradictions fly
And as hard as I may try
Every truth becomes a lie
In the ache of her reply
I am passionately…..

Yours
And the saddest eyes are
Yours
And the softest skin is
Yours
And the hope I borrow is
Yours
So won’t you let me in I’m yours
All that I begin is yours
Every prize I win is yours
At your feet again I’m yours
All I am is yours

All I am is wanting you
I’ve fallen down and I can’t seem to come to
If I should die before I wake
I commend my soul into this ache
Up above the world so high
Where the water tends to meet the sky
She’s all I’m after by the toe
And I won’t let go….

And I wanted you to know
That if you reap what you would sew
I would take it blow by blow
All I am is….

Yours
And the saddest eyes are
Yours
And the softest skin is
Yours
And the hope I borrow is
Yours
So won’t you let me in I’m yours
All that I begin is yours
Every prize I win is yours
At your feet again I’m yours
All I am is yours
Yours

More Later,

S

Well, to let everyone know, we survived the storm. I ended up going to my parents’ home for a couple of days because I’m trailer-trash and I didn’t want to get sucked up in the eye of a hurricane/tropical storm/whatever. But everything’s okay, though I was without internet connection for a few days. Other than that we came through unscathed. Right now that’s the update of the moment. Perhaps Ivan will be less ‘interesting’ than frances was. Who names these fucking things anyways?

More later,

S