Something Swift this way comes…

So, I’m sick again. Some of you already know this, but for those of you who don’t, me and the wiffy are both down with some type of spring cold. She looked at me yesterday and said ‘Watch out old-timer those summer colds are the worst’. For those not in the know, that’s a quote from the movie adaptation of Stephen King’s ‘The Stand’. I just snickered and said through wheezing breaths "Yeah, I always think of that book too when I catch a cold". I suppose that speaks of an oddity on my part where I think of the absolute worst when I get down low – hell one or two of you will probably say that I /always/ think of the worst no matter what. However, it also speaks of the enduring nature of a tale that I read in my youth (and a few times since then if I want to be completely honest) that still has the power to chill and empower my thoughts when I’m in a situation that feels similar to that which people that never existed had to face, endure, and hopefully triumph through. So, let this be an endorsement to go out and pick up a copy of ‘The Stand’ and read it if you haven’t yet.
News on mom…she’s still not well, still in the hospital, and the doctors are going to send her over here to something they call (mysteriously) ‘Swing Bed’. Which is basically just her laying in a hospital bed with virtually no nurse care other than the treatments for the infection she has because her medicare won’t pay for those same treatments if she’s at home. Talk about your perverted systems of doing business….doesn’t it seem to make sense that Medicare would be more readily willing to save some money by having the person just receive the treatment in their home instead of having to pay to have them obtain and take up a room at the local hack-factory? I suppose that with bureaucracies you can’t really expect much better than a low-grade stupidity and meaningless wasteful actions. So the only thing we can do is keep praying for her health, praying for God’s intervention in her care…because left up to the bureaucrats, she’d get no care whatsoever. Pardon me if I sound a bit bitter about the whole affair, but speaking with her this afternoon, I stated that it’s ridiculous that the hospital/hack-factory she’s currently in should cover the cost of the treatments at home, seeing as it’s their fault the damned fungus & infection hit her bloodstream in the first place. Had they not put the pict line in, or done it in both a correct and sanitary manner, she wouldn’t be dealing with this. Of course she comes back with the answer that it’s all her fault because she wasn’t watching her sugar levels like she should have been, and if she had, she never would have ended up in the hospital. I suppose I could have gone on and argued it out with her to try and make her realize that it’s not her fault – for Christ’s sake she’s recovering from cancer surgery and was trying to increase her intake of calories, but knowing my mom, knowing how she’s going to take the blame for something that she never should, I just left it alone. All I’d succeed in doing is pissing her off and tiring her out…something that she can’t afford to be right now.
I don’t know what else to do sometimes…Sometimes it just feels like we’re all doing our best to shovel shit from a sitting position and that people work against us as hard as they can to keep things from changing, or going our way. Sometimes it’s all we can do to continue to tread water and keep our heads above the waves. That’s one reason that I hate to see all of my friends up and leave, move away, move on…and why sometimes I resent myself for letting my schedule or level of exhaustion get in the way of my friends. Like Mom, I guess I’ve got nobody but myself to blame, eh?
S

Visited mom in the hospital tonight after work. She’s still in ICU, but she looks better. I’m not going to say she looks 100% better, but I can’t count the bones in her hands anymore. I have to say that seeing her laying there in the bed with all the tubes and machines hooked up took me back to the time after her first cancer surgery – worrying that she wasn’t going to be strong enough to make it through, but the last thing she said to me tonight before I left was ‘don’t worry about me baby, I’m going to be fine and you don’t have to worry’. That’s my mom for you – laying there in pain and trying to console me. That’s a hell of a woman for you….of course, that’s my mother. She’s always more concerned about what someone else is suffering/dealing with than she is with her own situation. She’s a blessing to me, my family, and everyone that knows her. I know she doesn’t see herself as such, because we’ve had conversations before (even one recently) about how other people have told her she’s such a blessing to them, that she lifts them up, and she just doesn’t see herself in that way. She doesn’t understand what it is that she does that makes people love her, that makes them want to be around them.
What did we do to deserve such a blessing in our lives? I don’t know but I’m just thankful that even in the pain and misery that she’s in that she still has the heart to worry about someone else’s troubles. That shows me that she has not given up on wanting to strive to get well, to get better, to get over. It’s those times that I know she has to lay there in the dead of the night thinking that it might just be easier and less painful to go on – we’ve all had those nights (at least the people in my family have) but the fact that she hasn’t withdrawn into herself that much gives a bit of light at the end of this dark path. She’s still the same beautiful, loving mother that I’ve always looked up to and respected for her wisdom and strength. Hopefully one day I can impact others lives as much as she has impacted mine and the people around her.
I know that here lately all of my posts are centered around my mom, and if she were coming here and reading all of this, she’d probably give me the 3rd degree (did I mention that I also got my amazing sarcasm and razorsharp tongue from my mother? *grins*) for airing her situation to the entire world, but on the bright side, I don’t think she’ll have to worry about it. Only a few people know who I am, or even care, and those few people generally know what kind of woman my mother is, and know the struggles she’s had with cancer. You guys keep praying for her, keep the pipelines open and the words going up for her speedy recovery…from this and all the other problems she might face along her recovery from cancer.